Wednesday, August 01, 2001

there is nothing better than fishing all day long from the side of a boat and being beautifully kissed by the sun. I mean it. I am extremely tired though most of the day was pure relaxation. the sun, a high source of energy for most forces of life, sucked most of mine out. it was paradise or as close as I may come to it for awhile. I wished I was on the ocean, although the ocean would probably never be as clam as the waters were today. when we launched this morning, the lake was like shiny glass. so calm, and peaceful, the sun just beginning to peak out of the horizon. we got out our poles and mine was bated for me. I still don't have the nerve to touch those slimy worms and stick them through a hook. the key to fishing is patience. it's not as easy as you would think it would be. you can't be fooled by the movements of the water. sometimes you can feel the weight of the water pulling on your fishing rod, and you think that something is trying to take a nibble. But when you reel it in, it was nothing but your mind. sometimes you reel it in and you realize the water masked your bate being stolen, even if you were paying the closest of attention. the beauty of it all is so simple to me. a slight breeze ruffling your hair, the sound of the water hitting the drifting boat, and the sun. have you ever smelled skin after it has been washed by the sun? I will always be able to see how the only way that you could distinguish between the sky and the lake were their difference in shades of blue. the sky, light and hazy and the lake, deep and dark. it just feels so good, a day that lets you know how much you are alive. the brightness of the day and the exhaustion that follows. my skin feels tight and healthy and it still smells of the sun's rays.

Sunday, July 29, 2001

just when you think you are getting through to somebody, just when you think walls are starting to come down and bridges are being built, everything just stops. then it's nothing. pure nothing. this issue hasnt really been pressing my mind all that much. or if it has I have just pushed it out of my brain whenever it popped in. see, I'm not even really sure if I do care at all anymore. it's like I knew what was going to happen and just expected to get the worst. I should have known. it just goes to show that it wouldn't be right in the first place. from the start things would be so off key. I'd say "yea" and you'd say "no." you'd say "fast" and I'd say "slow."
the slant of this beginning, and it's everchanging turns, are results of the lacking, little propulsion and projection of effection, set in motion.

-emily